It’s something that comes up over and over and over again in the world of disability and special education.
The hot topic: hugging.
Seriously.
At some point in the history of special education/ special programs, someone decided that it was inappropriate for a person with a disability to greet people with a hug. And they set out to eradicate the practice of hugging altogether for those individuals who present with a disability or other social difficulties.
The argument is that it’s inappropriate. We should replace it with a more accepted practice of handshakes, fist bumps, or high fives.
If you are reading this blog and thinking I’m making this stuff up, then you either don’t have a child with a disability or your child is still young enough to have not started hugging yet or still young enough that the powers that be deem it still age-appropriate. But I assure you, this popular and ultra-important mandate in the world of special education is a real thing and at some point you will discover the truth that this vendetta against hugging is regarded in a much higher level of importance than even most academic skills. Really and truly. Just wait.
If I had a dollar for every time an aide, teacher, diagnostician, or other professional addressed this issue with me, I’d be able to afford a huge social media campaign to change the world’s view on this topic.
Can I just state a fact?
Hugging is an appropriate greeting for a girl.
And I’m going to get crazy here and add that it’s also an appropriate greeting for a boy.
I can already hear the gasps of the special education professionals in the room. It’s okay. I’ve made them gasp before. And there are plenty of those professionals whom I love dearly, and they know I’m nothing if not an honest, state-it-like-it-is mama. And, perhaps surprisingly, most of them respect and appreciate me for it.
So, yes, hugging is an appropriate greeting.
My daughter is a hugger. It’s who she is. It’s what she does. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard someone tell her that they love her hugs. Many a person has been blessed by Chloe’s hugs. Some might go so far as to say it’s part of her gifting… blessing others with a hug.
And there have been plenty of people in Chloe’s 17 years who have made it their goal to break her of it. Some have even tried to incorporate it into IEP goals. (Again, folks, no hard feelings to those who have tried to eradicate Chloe’s hugging. I recognize they were only acting on what they had been taught to believe was important and appropriate. I believe they all had the best of intentions, and most of them LOVED my kid.)
But, no. We aren’t gonna do that.
Let me ask you a question. A couple of questions.
When was the last time you saw a teenage girl walk up to a circle of her friends and offer a handshake to each of them as a greeting? Mmmmmm, yeah, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Teenage girls don’t do that. I’m guessing her friends would think she was a weirdo actually.
Let’s remove the wheelchair and the need for additional adult support from this situation… if a typical teenager hugged her friends or her favorite teacher everyday, would you think it was inappropriate and vow to eradicate the behavior? I’m guessing not. It’s totally appropriate for a teenage girl to greet people with a hug. I see them do it all the time. (Clarification: I, of course, recognize that some “hugs” are more than hugs, but I’m not at all talking about lap-dance style hugging…. That’s another topic for someone else’s blog. I’m talking about a quick, friendly hug of greeting.)
So how does Chloe’s disability suddenly make hugging inappropriate? Let me answer that for you. It doesn’t.
Instead of trying to eradicate the hugging nature of my child and so many others, let’s try a new approach.
If there’s a teacher who doesn’t want to hug, let’s have that teacher advocate for herself/ himself and tell Chloe, “No thanks. Let’s shake hands.”
If there’s a student who doesn’t want a hug, let’s teach THAT STUDENT that he/ she can say, “No.”
Aren’t we currently teaching people/ children to speak up and advocate for themselves and SAY NO to things they don’t like? Perfect. Let’s do that here. Let’s have the expectation that people can and will advocate for themselves when taught to do so.
And let’s leave the huggers alone. Let the huggers hug.
Not changing my girl for the world; changing the world for my girl.
Ordinary Days 