Here’s Your Sign …

I have wished a  couple of times this weekend that I had a collection of signs or tags just to slap right on the front of folks’ shirts. Big signs. Bold print signs.

But then the problem would be deciding which sign to pin on each culprit.

Should the sign read: I’m a jerk, I’m drunk, I’ve been living in a cave for a couple of decades, I like to hear myself talk, I want to talk to you but have no idea how to go about it … or what? I’m not sure.

Oh, you need an example of what I mean? Ok. I’ll give you two of my “faves” from this weekend.

We are staying in a hotel for a couple of nights for spring break. Chloe and I were waiting to take the elevator down, but because the wait was so long, we jumped on it going up. We rode it up … we rode it back down. The elevator then stopped back at our floor and there stands Zippy in a group of people. Chloe and I were at the back of our very crowded elevator.

From the crowd, I say, “Hey, Zippy!”

And from the crowded hallway, Zippy replies, “Hey!” as the elevator door closes.

A tall, thin, black man riding the elevator with us turns to me and asks incredulously, “Do you know him?”

I reply that, yes, he’s my son.

The man looks at me as though I just grew a palm tree right out the top of my head and asks in his booming voice, “Well, how’d that happen??”

(In case you don’t know, Zippy is black, and I’m not …)

I just silently looked at the man as though he had just asked a stupid question … ummmm, yeah,  … he had just asked a stupid question.

Very smart alec answers came quickly flooding through my mind as the man and I just stared … now incredulously at each other

…and I said nothing. I couldn’t think of anything nice enough — or rude enough for the occasion. So I said nothing. Literally nothing

And the elevator door opened, and we all went our separate directions.

Yeah, that guy definitely needed a sign.

And I needed to be able to slap it on him!!

Only a very few moments later, Chloe and I were down in the lobby/snack area of the hotel. Suddenly Chloe had this major sneeze attack. She literally sneezed like 8 times in a row. (carefully covering, thankfully) I, as usual when my kids do something amazing, laughed outloud at her and said something like, “Oh, my goodness!” (You know, the proud mom…)

A man standing near us watched us — me, laughing and Chloe, sneezing –and then got my attention.

“My cousin was just like her,” he said.

I laughed, picturing his cousin sneezing a dozen times in a row. “Really??” I laughed.

“Yeah,” he said. “She was all crippled like that, and …”

Then I must have stared at him like he had a palm tree growing out of the top of his head because he quit talking, and I just walked away, pushing Chloe and her wheelchair out of ear-shot of Mr. SmoothWithWords.

Yes. A sign. I needed a sign. And I either needed to be able to fling it at him with force or to slap it right on him with my fist.

Come on, folks. Seriously.

(Now before you go getting all upset that perhaps it is my duty to educate these folks on an okay way to broach certain subjects. Or before you go feeling sorry for these two knuckleheads, just know that it depends on the day and on my mood. Sometimes I may respond with grace and kindness. Some days I may say something that would hint to my frustrations. Some days I just respond by giving a disgusted glance and walking on. Thankfully I’ve never yet responded with my backhand. Since these 2 episodes literally happened within 5 minutes of each other, I just hightailed it back to my hotel room and locked. the. door. and latched. it. tight.)


5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Shannon on March 11, 2013 at 12:58 AM

    Some people just have no brain at all! I mean, really???? People have done stupid stuff around Ella too & there are times I just want to lash out at them. Thank God I have some self-control to not act as stupid as they do! However, I’m sure one day, I’m going to lose it and go all psycho on them! LOL!


  2. Posted by PAPA on March 11, 2013 at 10:10 AM

    Im sooo sorry that you and your family get these loons, and get these nutty comments! I pray that our GOD will protect the ears and hearts of you and your family.Im mad and SAD just now ,and think I will go back to my room and lock the door behind me…..Im so sorry….I LOVE YOU ..”.GOD protect these your children and hold them close to YOU, make them smile,remove anger and hurt. THANK YOU FATHER”


    • Thx, Papa. I really meant this post to be a lighthearted and funny story. Perhaps I missed the mark on making it entertaining. Or perhaps you are just sensitive to our hearts and you see through the humor at the reality that words are hurtful… I know that even some well-meaning folks use less than perfect words, but then there are those that just need to keep their lips sealed… But seriously, it was not my intention to cause sadness. Just know that soon after the initial shock, I am smiling and shaking my head!!! Lol.


  3. I was laughing out loud!!! I could so hear you saying some of that stuff.


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