Archive for January 4th, 2011

Judgement and Isolation

People who don’t understand us . . . see a bad kid.  They think they see a discipline problem and bad choices.  They think they see bad parenting.  They think they see overly permissive parents.  Other times they think they see overbearing and strict parents.  They don’t understand us.

What they don’t see is that our child is hurting.  They don’t have any idea the current issues that we are dealing with or working through.  They don’t understand the depth of our child’s issues, anxieties, and struggles.  They have no idea what we or our child are experiencing on the inside.

They have no idea what’s it’s like to walk carefully on a cracked, frozen lake that may give under our weight at any moment.  They have no idea what it means to tread so lightly and to care so intricately for the cracks and the ice.

Because our child often appears ‘normal’ and okay on the outside, they forget the intense struggles constantly going on inside of him.  They forget that common experiences and activities are going to look a bit different for us.  We have to do everything a little bit differently to protect the ice.  Every single decision we make all day long is made to protect the frozen lake of our injured child, avoiding an all-out crash and painful splash while we are out in public.

But people forget or they don’t understand. And they give us disapproving glances.  Or they say hurtful things — to us and to our child.  They confuse our child by their disapproval.  They further injure our child with their words and their judgements.

That’s why it’s easier to just stay at home.  For between these four walls we find grace, mercy, acceptance, and understanding.  And at home we are protected from the judgements of others.

Thus, the isolation of having a child with special needs.

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