I Laughed ’til I Cried

. . . and you will, too, I hope!

Whew!  I needed this big laugh tonight!  My face hurts from laughing so hard — and my cheeks are stiff from the dried tears!

I never have posted something like this, but I just have to share it with you!  Let me know your favorites!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’  The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

 

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14 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Frog Kyle on November 9, 2010 at 11:30 PM

    I laughed hard too. I especially like: “Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.” OMG. Who doesn’t love church ladies with type-writers.

    Reply

  2. Take that church! That’s for making me sit through three services a week wearing a cardigan when I was 10… love it.

    Reply

  3. This is awesome! I really needed this today…thanks!

    Reply

  4. Posted by Jamie on November 10, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    Wow…those are just rated “R” for RONG!

    Reply

  5. Posted by jojos mom on November 10, 2010 at 8:43 PM

    ok, you got me laughed till I cried.. got 12yo daughter to laugh too.

    Reply

  6. Posted by Sue in Grapevine on November 11, 2010 at 7:26 PM

    A few churches ago, I typed up the bulletin/order of service. I was the only one at the office & so had no one to proof it for me. I read it aloud to myself & caught mistakes like “the Holy Spit” & “blessed are the uptight” – THAT would have been an interesting congregational reading!

    Reply

  7. Posted by Mimi on November 12, 2010 at 7:39 PM

    We were in Rockport, TX, as you know,when Dad brought his phone into the Boley’s room and insisted I read your most recent entry aloud to them. I really lost it at times. The four of us were in tears. Laughter is,indeed, good for the sole (oops) soul.

    Reply

    • Oh, good! I’m so glad you laughed as hard as I did. I was thinking it has been a long time since I laughed that hard! It WAS good for the soul!!! 🙂

      Reply

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