A Nugget

Give yourself permission to say NO to some things

so that you save your time, energy, and emotion

to do the things that only you can do!

Nope, not a chicken nugget.  A nugget of wisdom.  A nugget of wisdom whose truth screams to me sometimes but seems really difficult to follow most of the time.

I attended a seminar for parents of children with special needs a year or so ago.  I left the seminar with this nugget that I think about all the time.  Eventually perhaps I will weigh every decision and every commitment with the criteria from this nugget.  But for now, I oftentimes say, “Yes!” or make a commitment without considering the wisdom found in the nugget.

When I make commitments without weighing them completely or when a situation changes at home but the commitment remains, I go through seasons of being overwhelmed with life.  That’s where I am right now.  A bit overwhelmed.  It’s not huge or terrible.  I go through it now and then — being overwhelmed for a week or two.  But then my emotions and nerves calm, and I return to my usual happy self!  🙂

Give yourself permission to say NO to some things

so that you save your time, energy, and emotion

to do the things that only you can do!

But I considered the nugget yesterday and said NO to two things that I wanted to do.  I knew I couldn’t do them in our present state.  I knew that I needed to say NO to those two things so that I could save my time, energy, and emotion to do the things that only I can do.

What can only I do?  Love, nurture, and discipline my precious, out-of-control son.  Care for and nurture and connect with my sweet 7-year-old daughter who is a bit testy these days.  And work hard bringing some sort of peace to our household for Elliot and for Paul in the midst of all of it.  Those are things that I must do.  So I said No to two things — to two things that someone else can probably do.

I very much wanted to help my friend yesterday.  I wanted to say YES and step in and help her day go more smoothly.  But I knew I had to say NO this time.

I very much wanted to take the family to meet up with our extended family on Friday evening to start our Christmas festivities with them.  But I knew I had to say NO this time.  (Actually on this one I just had to postpone a day.)

So “Yea, Me!”  I said NO!  I used wisdom and restraint!  Little victories.  🙂

And you know what?  My friend completely understood and respected my decision.  And my family was totally supportive and encouraged me to do whatever I need to do.

Give yourself permission to say NO to some things

so that you save your time, energy, and emotion

to do the things that only you can do!

Do you need this nugget today??


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6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Fran on December 17, 2009 at 10:22 AM

    I am thankful that you could say “no” to me. You are so often a blessing and a help to me, but I never expect you to sacrifice your family in order to help mine. I will always respect your decision to put your family first and to take care of them. As it turned out, your willingness to help me earlier in the day actually relieved more stress than my first request would have… God knew, didn’t he?

    Reply

  2. I have to add:
    The two situations I mentioned in this post ended with the other person understanding and supporting my decision. But it is important to remember that even if I fear that the other person is going to get upset and be frustrated with me, I still need to follow the truth of the nugget. As the mom of 2 children with special needs, there are things that only I can do. And I need to do them. And if successfully accomplishing the things that only I can do sometimes requires me to say NO to others, then that’s how it has to be. I love to be involved. I love to help others. But I have things to do that only I can do.

    What do you think?

    Reply

  3. Posted by Fran on December 17, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    I think, for me, it’s easier said than done…

    Reply

  4. Posted by Tia Sheldon on December 17, 2009 at 10:48 PM

    I know intellectually exactly what you are talking about. Unfortunately, I hate to disappoint people, and I really have a difficult time saying no. As my children get older, I feel a little less guilty because every day they can do more for themselves. I still go through periods of extreme stress when I have said “yes” too many times. Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay to say “no” sometimes so we can take care of those things only we can do and let others who are able and willing take care of the rest.

    Reply

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