Adoption Journal – 12

I am loving National Adoption Month!  Loving re-living our adoption experience.

Here’s the next entry.  This is following the news of my pregnancy, which really took us by surprise!  It was a shock — and not a completely good shock, which seems so odd for someone experiencing infertility. . . .

This entry is dated May 2, 2001.

Immediately after taking the pregnancy test, Paul and I picked up some friends (who had dealt with infertility for years and were beginning the adoption process) and drove to Kentucky for a church leadership retreat.  We would be spending a long weekend on a houseboat on a lake in Kentucky with some really good friends — friends who had walked with us through our adoption journey thus far.  We were in the car with them for hours without mentioning the pregnancy to them.  Paul and I had not even been able to discuss the pregnancy and to process what it meant for us.

That night, half-way to Kentucky, we even shared a hotel room with our friends so we still couldn’t talk about it!  We did decide, however, that either we needed to tell our friends and the other couples who were on the retreat about the the pregnancy or else we would not be able to talk about it until after the retreat. And I thought I might explode if I couldn’t talk about it!

The next day in the car, we talked to our friends about the pregnancy and about our feelings about it.  It was more awkward to talk about it since these friends were right in the thick of infertility.  How can we not simply be thrilled to be pregnant?

We, of course, were thrilled and blessed by the new life growing inside of me — there was no doubt this pregnancy was a gift from God!  But we were also very frustrated.  We were so sure that God had spoken clearly to us that now was the time to adopt.  This pregnancy obviously showed us that we had missed it. We had misunderstood what God was calling us to do.  The Bible says the sheep know the Shepherd’s voice — and we obviously didn’t know His voice!  We had missed it!  And we were crushed!

We had weird mixed feelings of joy and blessing and confusion and bewilderment.  We were left feeling alone since we had messed up so badly.

After telling our friends about the pregnancy and about our feelings, they immediately spoke into our lives encouraging us that we do know God’s voice, that He did speak clearly to us, that we were obeying Him!  What we needed to do now was to figure out what this new piece of the puzzle meant for us.

During the weekend of the retreat while we told more people and began to process this new information, we became more comfortable with the idea that perhaps God wanted both adoption and another biological chid for us.  We knew that this pregnancy was NOT a surprise to Him!  And the pregnancy did not change the fact that He was saying, “Adopt!”  Several people agreed that perhaps God was giving us TWO new babies!

Continue to direct us, Lord!

It was becoming clear why God had made it so clear to us that it was time to adopt.  If He had not made it so clear, then surely we would have stopped the adoption process and just enjoyed the pregnancy and biological baby that God had given us.  We probably would have continued the adoption process later, but we would have missed out on what God had for us.  He had communicated so clearly to us to make sure we followed through with Zach’s adoption!

God is so good!  And He is so patient!  And He knows us so well!  He knew exactly what Paul and I needed at that time.  And He knew exactly what Zachary needed in a family.  What a good and loving God!


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