Those of us who have no sensory processing issues have no clue how difficult a simple trip to the store can be. Those of us who have no anxiety disorder have no clue how anxious a person can feel for the smallest of reasons. But those of us who live life with a person who deals with these things at least has a small inkling of how it must be.
Zippy’s 90 minutes:
Mondays are math tutoring days, and Zippy stays after school for 45 minutes to get extra help from his math teacher. Sometimes Chloe’s bus is late so I leave Elliot home to get Chloe from the bus while I run the 4 minutes up to school to get Zippy from tutoring. Well, it wasn’t til around 2:15 that I realized Elliot was staying after school today and he would not be here to be my backup incase Chloe’s bus was late. I emailed the teacher to ask if it would be okay if I was a few minutes late getting Zip from tutoring or if she’d rather me just get him at 3:00 and miss tutoring. She said being late was fine. So it was settled.
But the phone rang at 2:55. It was Zippy’s other teacher telling me that he didn’t want to stay for tutoring. He had had an anxiety attack and was upset and needed to come on home. She wasn’t sure whether it was the low test grade that had set him off or the fact that the low test grade meant he didn’t get a piece of candy after school. (She knows him well enough to know that candy is pretty darn important to him!) So I went up to school to get him.
When I arrived, he wasn’t in the pick up area — he had gone back upstairs for tutoring. Ends up that the first teacher who I had emailed earlier had sent him back up to tutoring saying she had just emailed with me. She knew nothing about the anxiety attack or the phone call from the other teacher. So I headed back home, knowing that probably he was not going to be happy when I finally picked him up.
A bit later, the phone rang. It was Zippy. He had been sad and crying in tutoring and had tried to hide it, but his teacher knew he was upset. She had talked to him and apologized that she didn’t know about his rough afternoon. She was sorry if she had hurt his feelings and made it worse. He wanted me to come pick him up. But I couldn’t since I was waiting on Chloe’s bus to arrive at our house. He would just have to stick it out.
The teachers, being very sweet and understanding, just let him hang out in a different room and relax a bit instead of attending his much-needed tutoring. It meant a lot to him that his teacher had apologized and had felt badly. It meant a lot to him that they allowed him to just hang out.
Chloe’s bus was later than usual. I finally arrived to picked Zippy up at least 10 minutes late. (I am NEVER late to get my kids, and I can’t stand it a bit!!) He was really okay when I got there. He talked about it a little bit, but mostly he was just touched by how sweet his teachers were. And then it made it all better when I presented him with a homemade cupcake made especially for him by a friend who loves him very much. It really made it all better. But not as much better as THREE cupcakes would’ve made it! 
We then had to run and get Elliot from tutoring — also 10 minutes late!!
The whole time in the car, Zippy alternated between “turn it up” and “turn it down” as he tried to get to that happy medium volume of the car radio. I nearly threw something at him for all the times he asked me to adjust the volume. Ugh. Do the rest of us have to be victims of his sensory issues?? Ummm, yeah, I guess so. Unless we want to push him over the edge into a total mess. And we all know it is just not worth it.
Then we had to make a quick stop at the grocery store — for just one thing to complete dinner. Elliot and Chloe stayed in the car for convenience-sake. Zippy came inside with me for safety- and sanity-sake. (Don’t dare leave a kid who is as much on-edge as Zippy was today in the car with his siblings for more than a microsecond. Believe me, again, it is not worth it.)
We stepped out of the warm car into the cool, damp weather — not pleasant for an edgy sensory kid. And then he heard a parking lot light buzzing. “What’s that terrible noise??” Zippy yelled as he covered his ears. “When will it stop??” he yelled in a panic. Then we were hit with the exhaust smell. An older-model truck with a loud engine and stinky exhaust drove slowly through the parking lot in the same direction we were walking. It was impossible to cover his ears and his nose so we just took off running toward the door of the store.
Once inside the store Zippy sighed a heavy sigh and commented how much nicer it is inside Kroger than outside. Then he was hit with the sights and sounds of the grocery store.
“Mom, can we get soda? We are low on soda.”
“Can we get cookies? We don’t have any cookies.”
“Chips. Mom, can we get chips? We’re really low on chips.”
“Mom! Mom! Can we get chips?”
“Mom! Can we get candy? Mom! MOM!”
I tried to remain calm and ignored all the shocked stares as this 10-year-old followed me through the store speaking in a megaphone voice demanding every single thing in the store.
Just keep walking. Walking, walking. Just keep smiling. Smiling, smiling. Just keep saying No. No, no.
And we walked back out to the van. Well, I walked. Zippy twisted in circles around me. Twisting, spinning, chanting my name.
Again when we were driving home, Zippy talked about how nice his teachers were. It meant the world to him that they were so thoughtful and kind. And he wished our friend had made 4 — no 6 — cupcakes so we could all eat some more.
And then we were home.
Home, sweet home.
Home, safe home.
Posted by kathr891 on February 13, 2012 at 7:02 PM
Kelly,
As a person with an anxiety disorder, I can understand how Zippy felt! It is so hard to deal with, sometimes it is hard for our sensory system to be controlable! It has taken lots of years to get to where I can even go to the store by myself. When it first “appeared” I only went out of the house on Friday nights to eat and to Wal-mart with Cliff. Holding him tight and not letting go of the buggy at all. The noises, the people — they all were so hard to deal with!
Tell Zippy he is not alone and even big people suffer the way he does, too!
Love and miss you and tell those kiddos “HI”
God Bless you,
Kathy
Posted by Kelly on February 13, 2012 at 7:18 PM
Thanks for your comment, Kathy. Yes, it is amazing how REAL Zippy’s anxiety and sensory disorders are. I know there are days when I completely miss the reason for his meltdown; but every now and then, I am in tune with him and recognize all the little things that are combatting his little system. And this post lists a few of the things that I noticed — no telling what other things were adding to his sensory experience. Ugh. It’s a wonder that we made it home in one piece and in peace!
Posted by becomingcliche on February 13, 2012 at 7:33 PM
I have terrible allergies, and most days I have no sense of smell to speak of. On the days when things are working properly, I have a hard time reintegrating that sense into my life. It puts me completely on edge as I try to remember how to filter it out again. I can only imagine what it is like to have ALL senses firing on all cylinders.
Posted by Kelly on February 13, 2012 at 8:46 PM
Wow. Interesting. Thanks for your comment! Makes sense! (No pun intended, seriously!) Thanks for chiming in and pointing out another way to relate to Zippy and his sensory issues.
Posted by bluejuliej on February 13, 2012 at 10:46 PM
I’m a new reader and genuinely curious… how does allowing your son to skip tutoring, sit in a schoolroom and cry and be really really loud (thereby annoying passersby) in Walmart help him learn to cope? Wouldn’t it be better fir him in the long run to, say, buy him noise canceling headphones (so the sound will not hurt his ears), a sweater (so temperature changes won’t bother him so much) and some kind of an anxiety med and/or calming or coping technique? It’s gotta be horrible to go through life freaking out about the inevitable (mom is late, too much noise, outside is a different temperature than inside the car), so why not learn to cope? How does having his tutors allow him to sob in a separate room help your son learn math? Or cope with the world at large?
(not that it matters, but I’m asking as a person with a lifelong history of depression and intermittent anxiety issues. Proper meds and minimal indulgences — even as a kid — seem to have worked for me. Having a hard time seeing how letting a kid cry/panic/freak out and thereby be excused from a hated activity — math tutoring — does much for said kid then reinforce really really really bad behavior).
Posted by Kelly on February 14, 2012 at 8:30 AM
Hi, Bluejuliej! Thanks for reading and thanks so much for asking your question as it gives me the chance to clarify some important things that you brought up. First and mainly, yesterday’s experience was a bit exaggerated and (thankfully) unusual for us as of late. (Not that I was exaggerating the story, but his behaviors and reactions were a bit exaggerated from what is his norm.) And it’s mainly because we do employ each of the things you mentioned above (and many more!). Since he was a baby, we have worked hard at empowering him and teaching him to cope and adjust and have had wonderful therapists guiding that growth. Yesterday was not at all a teachable moment so I chose to just let it run its course so to speak. You know, sometimes it is just obvious whether this particular situation is going to be a teachable moment or not — yesterday was not one. And, for the record, I had planned on talking to Zippy and convincing him to stay for tutoring, but that didn’t happen since he was already back upstairs. (And also he doesn’t hate math tutoring. He knows he needs it, and he doesn’t mind it at all usually.) His teachers have never allowed him to relax in another room until yesterday — certainly something I would not condone their doing regularly (nor do I think they would consider that helpful), but sometimes it becomes obvious that the best learning to achieve at a particular time is that you have a team of people who value you and are working with you and who want to see to it that you are comforted when you need it. Again, not reacting often in a way that will get Zippy out of the real world or away from his responsibilities, but deciding what is going to be most successful at this moment. Does that make sense? Zippy is on several meds that help his moods and his anxieties — they have been oh, so helpful for him. And, as I said already, Zippy has come so far and thankfully his times of freaking out about the inevitable are fewer and farther between. But he still has a ways to go. Thanks for bringing up those concerns to give me the chance to explain them for you and others.
Posted by Heidi on February 14, 2012 at 1:19 PM
We have for some of our students noise cancelling headphones alot like they wear on the tarmac, have you thought about those or even an ipod with different kinds of music, zippy might like??
Posted by Kelly on February 14, 2012 at 4:43 PM
Yes, in fact we use both frequently. Great idea! Thanks, Heidi.